i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My pussy is not your playground.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
