So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
