Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
