If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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