update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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