He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
