this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
