After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
