I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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