It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
