I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
