My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
