woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
