It's Friday. Sex?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Michael Bay diarrhea
You're earring is so big in my mouth
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
