3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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