If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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