I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
