Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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