You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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