Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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