Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
