I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
