The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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