You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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