me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
