It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize