You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
