the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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