OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
