Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
