yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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