Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm passing your future prison.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
