On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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