She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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