we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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