one might say we're banned from that church
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
