fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
