I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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