I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
