Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
