i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
