my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
