it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
