you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
