I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
