I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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