I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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