Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
