Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
