Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
