you mean i was at the winter classic?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
