your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
