Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
