seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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