oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
