Pappa wants mamma naked
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
