Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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