Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
