I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
