I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
