if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had sex on a roof
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
