At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
