people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
