I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
