Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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