you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
