when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
