This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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