Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
