Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
