just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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